Dear Writers,
by LoVe-WiLl-fInD-a-WaY
Summary: One day all of the Naruto Characters discover FanFiction. Then they decide to write a letter to those writers about their feelings on the stories they read.
1. Chapter 1

NOTE: THIS IS ALL CRACK! NO ONE GET OFFENDED, THIS IS JUST WHAT I THINK SASUKE WOULD SAY IF HE READ THE STUFF ON FANFICTION! IF YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE THEN DON'T READ

Dear fan fiction writers,

You all have many, many issues. First of all let's start will "uchihacest." I HATED my brother until I killed him and found out that he was innocent. When I was a little kid I was SEVEN why would me and my brother, who was what? Thirteen or something, be doing things like that? So either way we were NEVER EVER in a relationship other than brothers, or avenger and person that said avenger wanted to kill. Get that through your thick ass skulls!

Secondly, let's start with gender bending. Really? Naruto as a girl? Does Naruto seem like a girl to any of you? And ME as a girl…you have to be kidding me. Wow…you people just love changing story lines don't you?

Time travel. Seriously? If we could time travel don't you think that it would've been done a hundred times by now? Don't you think that someone would've used it? Of course that's saying that it's real.. which it isn't. And why is it then when we time travel the future sucks? Why can't the future be good and we just go back in time to see what we did wrong…or it was an accident and we end up changing the future for the worse?

Then there's the yaoi thing…when has it ever crossed your mind that me and Naruto actually liked each other? That kiss that happened was on ACCIDENT so why would we be in love with each other. Even if we were don't you think me almost killing him ruined that? Worse than that is when you have random people together like me and Kakashi? He's my TEACHER and he's over ten years older than me. That would make him a pedophile, which you always criticize Orochimaru for. So isn't that a little hypocritical?

Lastly, there's those mary sues. You really believe that one day I'm going to meet someone who's going to alter my personality so much that'll I'll be talkative, nice, and have a wide range of emotions in about three minutes of meeting them? You all seem to think that I have a long lost twin sister out there too…which I don't understand. When they did the flash back thing did any of you see a little girl in those? No, I didn't think so.

Get a life,

Sasuke Uchiha

AGAIN THIS IS JUST CRACK! I LOVE MOST OF THE THINGS THAT WERE BEING PUT DOWN IN THIS! SO DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY!


	2. Naruto

_**Dear fan fiction writers,**_

_**I LOVE you guys! You usually make me all powerful and I'm the hokage and and and you let me lots and lots of RAMEN! Oh thank you thank you! I'm but a mere servant and you are my masters! Wait…what does that story say…What- Oh my god! Never mind you're sick! You're all so sick!**_

_**What? I do not go into heat! And since when did I love the bastard? Huh? Tell me 'cuz I never knew of this! And what the- I do NOT repeat NOT love Shikimaru, and…Tsunade? Where the hell are you getting these pairings? Oh my god I did WHAT with Orochimaru? I hate that guy why would I leave the village to go…elope? What does that even mean?**_

_**That's just not right. Why would Me and Sasuke turn into a girl and Sakura a guy to have a…threesome? Sakura doesn't even like me! And Sasuke…come on he doesn't like either of us…the only way this would work was if Sakura drugged Sasuke and I drugged Sakura…which would make me the only sober one and I STILL wouldn't do anything with Sasuke. And why does everyone think I'm a girl? I've had my shirt off in episodes and I'm clearly a GUY I mean I have a di-**_

_**Oh no…please tell me you were kidding about this…PLEASE! AHHHHH! No ramen? What kind of sick joke is this? Make it go away! The horror, the horror! Are you TRYING to kill me? I love ramen….don't get rid of it…please…don't take the ramen! Anything but that! You can pair me up with anyone just leave the ramen alone!**_

_**Oh god, don't take the ramen!**_

_**Naruto**_

_**MissElectricCarousel- First off awesome name…and I'm glad that I made you laugh! I didn't really think a lot of people would like it, I just wrote them when I was trying to get some inspiration for my other stories…and thought why not…I'm publish them. And I know a lot of people use stupid stuff to back up why they did what.**_

_**Echiboo- glad you liked it and I'll definitely do more!**_

_**Dragon'sHost- I will be glad to do more!**_

_**Sabaku No Ko-chan- I updated fast so don't sacrifice me (especially with a spork…can you say ow?) ! Oh mighty lord and master Ko-Chan!**_

_**Tsarina Torment- Glad you loved it and WAY glad that I got the personality right! I was re-reading it and I thought…that's wrong, but I guess I got it right! (and trust me I know what you mean about ranting). I'm also very happy that you don't have any problems with it and that you 100% agree with it! I was thinking people would get mad because I was putting all of their favorite things down…**_

_**Anonomus guy- How is it a fail? And why do I need a prologue? We all know what's on fan fiction and who the characters are, so that would just waste time. Plus, it would ruin the effect of the letters because you'd already know their reactions… and it's crack it doesn't have to make a lot of sense.**_


	3. Sakura

**Dear fan fiction writers,**

**First off let me thank you for a few things. Thank you for having me be this really bad ass chick and being all strong. And thanks so much for pairing me up with Sasuke! Now that that's done let's start yelling at the rest of you! ****J**

**Um…why do I always leave Sasuke for Itachi? Itachi's an s-class criminal who's older than be by like nine years and I've never once met…. And me joining Akastuki? When did I become evil? I mean I know I have that voice thing but I don't go around doing Akastuki level things.**

**Then what's up with me always joining Hebi? Why would Sasuke even agree to that, I mean I'm in love with the guy and I want to marry him and have his kids one day and all but I'm not stupid, let alone the rest of the team? Secondly, why would I be on a solo mission in the first place? I'm a MEDIC, a MEDIC (which for some reason is why they always want me…and then I never do any actual medic stuff) that means I heal, sure I can fight, but that's usually not something I do much of. **

**And me being kidnapped by Orochimaru? Um…excuse me? Why would Orochimaru want ME, ME? Orochimaru is after rare justsus and bloodline limits something that I have neither of. And don't use the whole 'they need a medic' because that's what Kabuto is for. And then of course you always make me be next to Sasuke 24/7 which is probably something Orochimaru is smart enough to not do…**

**And don't even get me started on those high school fics! Why do you make me either this slut or some nerd? Where'd the nerd come from anyway? Have I ever looked like one? Not really. And you always make such a big deal over my pink hair, when who even says that it's natural in the first place? I know lot's of weird stuff is in our world, but if you transfer me to another then wouldn't it make sense that my hair was dyed?**

**And why do my parents always die? I swear in almost every fic my parents are dead and I was adopted by Tsunade, who I didn't even know until Naruto brought her back so I doubt she was my godmother or whatever. **

**Why is it that when Sasuke comes back I'm, like, the only one that doesn't like him? Have you met me? I'm in LOVE with him, so I doubt that I'd be the only one who didn't like him being back…**

**Bashing. Why is it that I'm pretty much the only one ever bashed? What'd I do that was so wrong? So I was in love with the same person that over half of Konoha was in love with and I was mean to the same person Sasuke tried to KILL but I'm the one who gets bashed…real mature. Just because you want Naruto and Sasuke together doesn't mean that you're allowed to make me into a royal bitch, sure I'm not the nicest, but that doesn't mean anything!**

**Get your facts straight,**

**Sakura**

**So, apparently replying to reviews is interactive…which I didn't know. I thought interactive was when you were like if you want Naruto to fight go to chapter 5 if you don't go to chapter 3... Woops. So sorry I won't be doing that anymore… and whoever keeps flaming me please stop…I know it's stupid it's SUPPOSED to be that's the whole POINT, if it wasn't it wouldn't be humor, and I'm writing a serious story so I have to get all my jokes out somewhere don't I?**


	4. Kakashi

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Why are me and Iruka always together? I've said two words to him the entire anime… Plus with the books I read to you really think I'd be into men? Not only that but you seem to want me and Sasuke to get together too…even though I'm a lot older than him and aren't all that nice to him in the first place.

And why am I always man raped by someone? I swear it's always something like "Kakashi was raped by Orochimaru will Sasuke be able to fix his broken soul?". First of all I've seen Orochimaru once, and I'm no where near stupid enough to go to sound alone. Secondly do you really think Orochimaru would do that when he's probably more into little boys? Think about it people…think about it…

The one pairing that really makes me mad though is me and Itachi. I think I've seen him once…and he kicked me ass. And trust me…I'm not into people who kick my ass, especially guys who, with a little makeup, could pass as a girl. Now that I think about it if Sasuke grew out his hair then that would take care of that pairing too… I'm actually not even sure why people even pair me with anyone I've never even been a room with a girl (my age, and no I'm not into Sakura while we're at it) for more than twenty seconds… (Rin doesn't count she's dead…people don't just come back to life, same with Obito).

Now I would love to ask why I'm always hours late. It doesn't ever show how late I am, so who says it's not just ten minutes and the pre-teens just have no patience.

Then there's Pakkun… I seem to summon him for almost everything… In reality I've only summoned him twice the entire time…

Anyway to sum it up my impression of you is that I hate you!

I'd like to point out I sent this on time,

Kakashi

Okay so any requests? I'd love to get some! Yay requests! And could someone send me a list of the Naruto characters with their names spelled right, because I'm pretty sure I'm spelling some wrong. Now thanks to everyone who reviewed! I love reviews….and reviewers. Okay I admit saying I love reviewers is kind of creepy… especially when you guys are probably either a. older than me or b. younger than me…but not by much (I'm 14 btw if you were wondering…I have a feeling I'm going to regret saying that).

Now, Rei Sagara you were right! (now please tell me there are two people on that account and you don't have a split personality disorder…)


	5. Ino

Dear Fanfiction writers,

Thank you writers, no I mean it, you have shown me things about me that I didn't know. How about we start from the top huh?

One, apparently I'm always engaged to Sasuke and then he suddenly finds that pink hair is better. Not only that but apparently when he leaves me for pink hair it turns out that I a. find and try to kill them b. go crazy and try to get him back c. I use my mind transfer jutsu on her while they're having sex and/or to make him hater her or d. I go against all laws of nature and I don't care and become really good friends will her. Right…because all four of those sound like something I would do.

Two, apparently I'm in love with Sakura, Chouji, and Shikimaru! Isn't that just great news? Because, as we all know, Sakura and I have a looong romantic history. As well as Chouji and I because he SO turns me on and I just LOVE him oh SO much! Oh and don't forget Shikimaru! I mean come on how could you forget the most popular couple when I always tell him that he's lazy and bang my head against a wall while with him!

Three, my mind transfer jutsu has many, many uses, and I use it ALL the time. Yeah…because every time you see me I'm using it to get precious gossip…because that's just my style. I love to use it at every opportunity, especially to be an evil scheming bitch!

Four, why does everyone else always have something cool suddenly revealed, but me? I swear I'm the only one who doesn't have a story about where I go on this amazing quest to learn more about some weird bloodline limit!

Five, why can I never get Sasuke? I mean really what made you think that Sakura has any ups on me? She's on his TEAM of course he's nicer to her, he HAS to be! It's not like he can hate her and work with her at the same time! For gods sake if I hear another story about her joining team hebi I'm going to hurl. Why can't I join the team? Huh?

Six, it's an unofficial sport to see who can bash me the most. Be it me being homophobic, anorexic, or just plain old mean. It always has me being bashed!

I really don't like you guys,

Ino

A/N Okay this one sucked, but Ino was hard to do. But you do all have to admit, Ino is bashed way more than she should be, even more than Sakura (see her letter). Well anyway any more suggestions? Oh! And if you want you could suggest a topic and I could pick a character to rant about it, because it seems that these are all basically repeating the same thing, well to me anyway.


	6. Orochimaru

Dear writers,

As much as you all seem to enjoy calling me the pedophile snake it really must stop. And before you say, "well you are" I would love to point out a few key things to you. One of them is the whole Anko fiasco, yes she was a little girl when I put the cruse mark on her. But the only reason that I did that is because she was student, hence she trusted me so it was easier. I didn't have to kidnap anyone, I didn't have to drug anyone, and I got to find out that the mark worked.

Of course we can't leave out Sasuke. Where to begin? Alright, I did not kidnap him as a small child. He is not a slave that I bought. I did not 'infect' his mind. I did not rape him. I did not stalk him. I'm not in a relationship with him. I did not 'pimp him out'. I do not nor have I ever had any thoughts in my mind that made me think that I'm his mother/father. I did not give him Naruto, Sakura or anyone else as a birthday gift only for them to fall in love. I gave him a curse mark so he would seek me out for power that way I could train him until he was strong. Then I was going to take him as my vessel, that was, and is the only thing that happened between the both of us.

Now…why do I always rape someone? I swear if I'm in a story someone was raped by me, and sometimes it just doesn't make sense. Like Sakura? I hate pinky to be honest, so while we are on that I didn't take her to sound, and I have no plans to do so. Now why don't we take this time to make a list of people that I have not and will not have a relationship with.

1. Kabuto, he's my medic I NEED him and that's the only reason he's around

2. Anko, she was my student and now she just hates me as much as Sasuke hates Itachi…which is a lot

3. Sasuke, for one he's at least forty years younger than me and in all honesty me and him would be too much angst

4. Gaara, I've never even met him

5. Hanabi, I do believe that she's only eight

6. Haku, again I've never even met him

7. Jiraya, he was my teammate when I was younger, or course I talked to him.

8. Kakashi, I've met him once and he doesn't like me at all

9. Tsunade, see Jiraya

10. This is going to be a long list so let's just say that I don't like anyone in the series…okay. Yes this does include dead people.

11. Ocs….they're the worst. No personality or they're crazy and more often than not they'll be teenage sluts.

Stop trying to guess at my childhood and make someone else the bad guy next time, this is just getting too predictable.

I am NOT a pedophile,

Orochimaru

A/N So, if you like my story psychoticmemory is writing one similar to it called We Hate You, as of today (8/1/10) it's not out yet but should be soon, it's just like this one only it focuses on Akastuki. So… You should read it :D. And I'm thinking about doing a crack-ish story that will be funny but will also have a point…you know? It's about team snake/hawk's journey only…more interesting. I'd love your opinion on that…and this is longer than the actual chapter so I should probably shut up now.


	7. Hinata

**Dear fan fiction writers,**

**Um…as much as I appreciate you all for writing about me so much there's some things that I don't quiet…understand. Well, for one, why am I always stuttering. I'm not denying that I do it's just…I only stutter when I'm around Naruto. Another thing that I'm not quiet sure about is all of the pairings, and not just about me. Like…uh… Naruto and Sasuke (1), you all say that it's because they're rivals and all, and I get that I do! It's just…then wouldn't Gai and Kakashi be together too? **

**And what about…high school fics. I know that you all really want us to go to school, and that's great you know so we can get an education and everything, but in your world lots of stuff wouldn't work. Naruto and Sasuke wouldn't be able to live on their own, and for them not too then a lot of the original plot would have to be changed. Plus, I'm always a nerdy rich kid who falls in love with Naruto Sasuke or Kiba…I don't even really understand where Sasuke come from to be honest with you all. **

**Another thing is…why do Ocs only fall in love with the guys? Why is there never an OC that falls in love with a girl?…I don't quite understand that. Actually I don't understand a lot of stories.**

**I know you aren't all bad. Like the ones that pair with Naruto or the ones with an actual plot. Um…I guess what I'm trying to say is that some people do a good job but they'e hard to find.**

**Have a nice day,**

**Hinata**

**Wow that was hard… I was trying to have her disagree but still stay nice and shy…**

**I have a poll on my profile, hint hint.**

**Okay so whoever reviews with the words "frilly purple panties" (because normally no one would say that and I want to be sure) first gets a one on one with any character (that I have not done). What I mean is that I will have a character (of your choice) review your story (if more than one you can choose it, and if you don't have one then I can help you with a one-shot or with the expressed permission of an author we can you that story of your choice. If you don't want to use a story you can simply tell me things to write about.) **

**Thank you all for reading! Oh…and anyone want to beta this? Contact me if you do… either a review or a pm idc (for those who don't know that means I don't care). Cuz these people are getting too OOC…**

**(1) truth be told I LOVE this pairing…simply because they were rivals then best friends so it proves that they had an emotional connection so it's actually based off of something unlik- okay I'm rabbling I'll stop**

**Discaimer: I don't think I've said it, but do I really need to? Okay**

**Dear creepy lawyer,**

**I don't own this. Just for the record.**

**Don't sue me,**

**Jayde (my real name…my user is too long)**


	8. Special Gaara and Itachi! plus contest!

Now thank you Tsarina Torment, my beta, she did a WONDERFUL job editing this.

This is a request by MariaSabaku

Dear fan fiction writers,

This has gone on long enough. As Kazekage, I suppose I had better sort some things out. To start with, have you ever, in the ENTIRE manga or anime, seen me eat cookies? I didn't think so. And as for an obsession with pandas… where did you get that from? I'm curious. As for the rare raccoon, I think that I'd be fed up of the things, having spent a lot of my life being possessed by that's the beginning of your ignorance, so I shall help you by pointing a little more love life.

I love my village and the people in it with all my heart, but that's more of a paternal urge than a romantic one. The only people inside the village that have different relationship with me are related to me, and incest is a bad example for me to set. And the only people outside of the village that I really know are Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Hinata, Ino, Kakashi, Neji, and Lee. A pairing with most of these makes me gay – which you have no evidence of, and the girls named are all after another boy. And a slight reminder – Shukaku is a demon. Demons cannot love, therefore it is beyond the realms of all possibility that it could possibly be in love with eyeliner.

I do not have an obsession with that feminine item. I do not borrow Temari's – she doesn't have any, by the way – I do not wear it. The dark circles around my eyes are the result of insomnia. I do not have time to explain this other than it is a disease. Look it up if you want to know more. All I will say on the matter is that it is because I spent all my life fighting against Shukaku to protect my village, even though they hated me for , I really must point out that I am not a person who relies on others for protection, or someone who acts like a baby. I spent all of my life mistrusting everyone, so you could hardly make me more OOC. Things that fall into this category include: stuttering, a fear of storms and REALLY doesn't like you,Gaara

Oh look- what's that? Why, it's another letter! Okay this one is for my wonderful beta Tsarina Torment. It's Itachi's thoughts on her story, 'Uchiha Itachi'. Now after this letter go read it…please. This story it basically about Itachi, Sasuke's son, finding out about his uncle who returns…Be warned-the following letter contains many spoilers about Itachi-you've been warned.

Dear Tsarina Torment,

First of all Sasuke doesn't have any kids, AT ALL, in fact he doesn't even have a girlfriend. I know, it's because it's in the future, but think about it - after he left Sakura, the supposed "love of his life" wasn't so in love with him anymore. Without love comes no sex (well willingly…unless you have a lot of booze and they have THREE kids… it wasn't a one night stand) which means no kids.

In this story Sasuke still thinks that I was evil, so why would he name his son after me? Let's face it no one would name their kid after their brother who killed their whole clan… NO ONE.

Now, does ANYONE believe that I would go back to Konoha because my nephew managed to hit me? Didn't think so, I would've at least put up a BIT of a fight. Not to mention that just because they found out why I killed everyone attitudes took a turn. Sasuke learned the truth and then he was "what?", Ten seconds later "hey big brother!" (1) Then I turned nice, funny, and all this other shit that most likely would never happen. You're characters are so OOC it's not even funny (2).

Now, at the beginning you had Itachi (the Sasuke's son Itachi)'s teammate be Karin and Suigetsu's daughter, which if they are there then where's Juugo?

I find it hard to believe that Sasuke's kids wouldn't know about their dad. People must have talked about it, or they would've heard about the Uchiha Massacre from someone or wondered why their dad had no relatives (3). Plus the whole "sound invasion" wouldn't that be in history? That would lead to Orochimaru which would lead to Sasuke and team hawk/snake/hebi/taka/ whatever the hell you want to call it you know who I'm talking about… basically they would find exams, let's face it, everyone makes something up, but using a harder level of chuunin exam? That's overused. Besides Jounin are APPOINTED (4) as in no exam…Do some research sometime,Itachi

This IS about her story so she didn't edit it much….

(1) those are not actual quotes.

(2) they actually aren't that OOC they just changed their opinions VERY fast and Itachi reverted back to the Itachi from flashbacks (the good ones). They aren't as broody and Sasuke's more talkative but they grew up so it does make sense.

(3) let's be honest here NO ONE has Sasuke's kids ask that.

(4) this is according to , so this isn't for the WHOLE story, it's basically just the beginning, I figured it would ruin too much stuff it went into too much detail plus it was getting ridiculously long for a letter

by the way, Tsarina Torment HAS read this and is allowing me to put this slating of her story up, but begs you to read it because she thinks Itachi is just being really picky. It's not that bad, honest!

CONTEST:::: Okay I want you to PM me a one-shot story that is really unique but uses cliché's. Example: Time travel- have the Uchiha's travel forward in time to after the massacre (can't use example…sorry). See what I mean? Okay it can be any genre (you could write a totally crack fick or a really angstey one or anything in between) and can be about anyone in naruto or crossover about naruto, it does NOT have to be posted on this site.

:::::::What do you win? Well anything! Except nude pics, money stuff like that…anything concerning fanfic (except lemons…I AM only 14 you know that'd be weird). What I mean is stuff like story requests chapter requests stuff like that…

:::::::::What to do?: PM me that you ARE in this contest by 9-1-10 then submit me the story by 9-17-10... Hope you enter! And good luck!Come on you know you want to review, so review!Naruto-yeah sorry it's not mine if you thought it was there's something wrong with your brain

sorry the first time I uploaded this there were some technical difficulties.


	9. Neji

A/N yes I took forever sorry… anyway school starts sept. 1st so after that updates will be rare (with school comes a social life).

Dear Fanfiction writers,

I realize that this letter is most likely a waste of my time as fate has already ruled that you will always be writers failing at keeping characters in character. You see, no matter how many of you seem

to believe that I am incompetent of taking care of myself and so always need someone to come to my aid, or that I am a hopeless romantic, it is not going to happen.

I would also like to point out that Hinata and I do not have an incestuousrelationship, whoever thought that up must have been absolutely brainless. The only instance in which we have even

remotely interacted was at the chuunin exams where I told her she was unfit to become a ninja due to her kind heart. How this would turn into romantic relationship seems to slip through my grasp of

understanding.

It also appears that you seem to think I have feelings of romantic interest towards the Uchiha, whom I have never even met. It also seems that I am most of the time the - shall I say - girl in this

relationship. That very idea is preposterous. I am, after all, stronger than he is so he should be the woman.

Unfortunately for me the outlandish pairings do not stop there. Ostensibly Lee and I are an 'item' - something that would mean we would be amorous, which is something that we do not partake in.

Of course the same could be said for Tenten as there is no actual evidence that she has loving feelings for.

I do acknowledge the fact that my hair is indeed long but it does not mean that I spend hours on it. I after all I am a ninja and so I do not have time for such trivial things.

It appears that fate is not in your favor,

Neji Hyūga.

A/N sorry for all the big words (well in my opinion big words), and any misuse of them. Neji just strikes me as that kind of guy to use big words, where I am the type of girl to not.


	10. Lee

So sorry for the wait but I was busy with school and when I finally got the time and inspiration to write my internet was being a piece of shit-the modem was anyway (kept saying I couldn't connect and blah blah blah) in case you couldn't tell it really pissed (sorry British people I know this is a big no there-well I think so anyway) me off… so…here's the chappie!

Dear youthful fan fiction readers!

I am glad that you are using your youthfulness and putting it to good use! However there is something that I must take you up on, why would Gaara-san and I be together. I understand that he is no longer an enemy, but with him being in sand and I in leaf it is somewhat or a long distance relationship, don't you agree?

Now, I suppose that on some things that we can breach an understanding, like, I would prefer it if you didn't not refer to me as the green spandex monster hiding under your little sister's bed.

Not only this, but if Sasuke and Kakashi sensei have stories about how close they are, why am Gai sensei and I never together? Do Gai sensei and I not have a good relationship? Are we not worthy of the power that is fan fiction?

I also have a question, why is everyone so afraid of me? I understand that I am a strong shinobi but that is no reason for my friends to cower in fear…

Also-wait what's a….lemon? That's strange why would I put my tongue there-it-on no! No! Never mind you are not using your youthfulness! This is a bad use of usefulness a bad BAD use of youthfulness!

-I'm going to go run laps

-Lee

A/N alright now I did say that I was going to write my tribute to cliché's so..here's a preview that is basically the beginning of chapter one sort of like a prologue but not really-and there really aren't any cliché's in it yet… anyway I would love to hear your thoughts on it even if it's just a "this sucks don't post it" or a "it's okay" but of course preferably "awesome!" But DON'T lie, honestly tell me what you think, because I want to write it but I think that with my sense of humor it's going to be a total fail…

I had a poll for this and two people said they wanted to beta it but they didn't pm me so if one of them was you please pm me….

From snake to hawk

Summary: It started out as just a team to try to find Itachi, but as time progressed bonds were formed and they weren't just comrades anymore. They were a family. Follow Sasuke, Suigetsu, Karin, and Juugo as they go from snakes slithering in the grass to hawks flying high in the sky.

Warnings: I'm going to tell you right now, while this will have a point it is dedicated to all of the clichés out there, so yes random things shall occur. OOC, slight crack (if you squint), only slightly follows story line, bad attempts at humor, only okay writing skills, I probably use a word or two wrong and Sasuke abusing sexy no jutsu. Now I warned you so no wining.

In a clearing surrounded by trees swaying to the soft sound of the wind stood a classic beauty. This beauty, a girl of about sixteen, had dark hair flowing to her waist, a flawless face, and long ivory legs exposed by short black shorts. Her white low v-neck covering her well endowed chest ruffled as a more forceful wind then before picked up. If it weren't for the knocked out ninja at her feet she would've looked like an angel.

"Hey Sasuke!" A boy with white-bluish hair to his shoulders and a purple sleeveless shirt yelled as he ran towards her.

"Hn," Sasuke responded causing the boy to smile revealing shark like teeth.

"The red haired bitch says that there are some more a little north of here, so-"

"No," she interrupted.

"But Sasuke!" The shark like boy whined, "You didn't even hear what I wanted to ask."

"Fine," Sasuke said exasperated, "What were you going to ask?"

"If I could kill 'em."

"No."

"Awe! Come on! You never let me kill anyone!"

"Suigetsu."

"Yeah?"

"Shut the hell up."

"What? Hell no!" Suigetsu screamed while his eyes widened.

"Just listen to me for once."

"Why should I listen to you? You transform into a girl every ten seconds!"

"And you feel the need to kill everything. We all have our flaws it doesn't mean you should pick on people because of them," She-err he spoke in a teasing voice.

"Transforming into the opposite gender isn't a flaw! That's a mental condition!"

"And killing everything isn't?"

"Uh, well, um… well," after a few moments of failing to come up with a come back better then 'I bet your mom killed everything' Suigetsu finally opened his mouth, "Why do you transform like that anyway?"

Sasuke shrugged, "It's comfy."

"You mean it gets Karin off you back."

"…That too."

Yeah…this is more of a rough version as it is only the beginning of the chappie I should finish the entire chapter around the same time I wrap this "story" up (is it even really considered a story)? (it's going to be long) when I get it up I'll post a chapter for this telling you it is, or if you really want to know say that in your review and I'll try to tell you immediately. Now, this has not be beta-ed as it isn't part of that story so it's not part of her job, so if I screwed up don't blame my beta for this story…yeah.

Reviews are greatly appreciated! Remember-you don't have to be signed in to review!

Oh-sorry I'm talking a lot this chapter… anyone read any good stories lately? Or know any good authors? Yes you can suggest yourself. I'm tired of going through crap stories trying to find a good one…


	11. Last chapter

So this is the last chapter, I know a lot of you haven't had your favorite character on yet, but these are just getting so repetitive and, well, boring to both read and write. So without a due the last chapter.

Dear fan fiction writers,

You know who we are. We're those extra "perfect" characters- the ones who do everything right, usually shy and/or Goth. Basically you make us into whatever you want us to be (most of the time that's you). Now let us tell you a couple of things that just don't add up.

If, for some strange reason one of the asexual guys from Naruto actually fell for someone it would NOT be for some crazy girl who hates them and has them so OC within ten minutes that you basically make a new character. We're NOT people who you can cast your soul into and act like we're you, it just doesn't work like that. And stop with the "oh she's not me" really? Then why is her name Rachel when she's supposed to be a famous Japanese ninja? Japanese people do tend to have Japanese names.

Not only this but we know exactly who uses us, teenage girls with no sex life who fill the need to make their romance play out. Now, when we say girls we do mean girls, have you ever seen a love story where the OC is a guy? Neither have we.

Unfortunately we're not only romance slaves but also entirely different stories. If you are going to write about a ton of Ocs having an adventure and not one of the cannon characters is even mentioned then it's not fan fiction, it's you creating a story about ninjas. People who read Naruto fan fiction tend to want to read about at least one Naruto character.

And for the love of God (or whatever your faith says you should worship the most) would you stop making us into these god damn evil sound ninja. It's repetitive, it's boring and worse of all it's extremely unrealistic. If Sasuke couldn't be happy and make friends in Konoha then he sure as hell isn't going to in Sound.

Now this is going to have absolutely nothing to do with us but when you put English as the language write in ENGLISH. Nobody likes the random sentence in Japanese that you have to look to the bottom to see what it says. If you're not supposed to understand, or if it's one word that most Naruto fans should know (baka, teme, ect.) then fine but stop with the random Japanese.

Stop abusing us,

All the Mary Sues on Fanfiction

I realize that Mary sues don't really count as a naruto character, but they're in so much fan fiction that I just had to add them into it. Plus I fell it helped this story go out with a bang :D (okay that was a lie I just couldn't form a very good letter with an other character ^_^;

NOTE: I seriously mean no offense, if you use OC that's fine, I'm not bashing your story I'm simply saying that they are commonly abused on fan fiction.


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